About

Portsmouth is very much like Ridgefield, the small Connecticut town where John was raised.

Here’s are some actual police log quotations:

“6:38 P.M. – A resident phoned police to say a woman “he barely knew” but married two days earlier was harassing him and his girlfriend. An officer kept the peace while they signed divorce papers and agreed not to contact each other.”

 “Responded to Elwyn Road following a hang-up 911 call and the elderly resident, who frequently dials 911 and
doesn’t answer her door, could be seen inside knitting.”

 “Woman reported a suspicious person looking in her window. Responding officer found a raccoon in her yard.”

 “A resident told police her phone had been ‘cloned.’”

“Woman reported that a crow in her yard had white eyes. Responding animal control officer determined that the crow had glaucoma.”

 “9:09 a.m. – Responded to a residence where a woman called 911 and had no emergency, but was lonely and
wanted to speak with someone.”

“A caller reported three suspicious men in a parked car and an officer learned that they were roofers early for a job.”

“Responded to a Congress Street report about open windows.”

“Responded to a Melbourne Street report about a bird in a house.

” Responded to the residence of an elderly resident who frequently calls 911, then hangs up. She didn’t answer the door. A neighbor phoned the caller and learned that she was looking for a ride to the market.

“Carmen Electra-brand stripper pole stolen from the “Fifth Wheel Adult Book Store.” Anyone with information is urged to contact the anonymous Seacoast Crime Stoppers hotline and text “CRIMES.” Rewards are offered for tips.

“A caller was concerned about her ex-husband because he wasn’t answering the door. An officer found the man was home and fine.”

 “Took a report from a resident of Willard Avenue regarding the theft of a goose decoy.”

“Reunited a stray dog with its owner.”

“Responded to a residence where a couple was breaking up and fighting about who got the dog.”

“Responded to Jones Avenue for a report of criminal threatening. A resident was claiming to have a bomb in a box. It was not a bomb.”

“A Beechwood resident reports that his brother has been staying with him for a while and is refusing to leave and daring him to call the police.”
“An Aviation Avenue caller reported a trespasser, who turned out to be someone who was lost.”

“Took a report from a caller who stated that she and her husband were away from home for a month and found a fake rose on the stairs when they returned.”

 “Responded to Bridge Street for a dispute over a parking space. The drivers were advised to ‘act like adults.’”

“A caller reported finding a brick on Lafayette Road and thought it was suspicious. Officer found nothing criminal.”

“Investigated a report about a suspicious man in a sandwich shop who turned out to be an employee.”

“After a woman phoned police to say she could not stop drinking, police arrested the caller on a bench warrant for failing to appear in court on another charge.”

 “Responded to a report of a small bear in a tree which turned out to be an enormous raccoon.”

“Responded taken from a caller who stated that his wife was poisoning him with magic and he would like a report.

“A Tuna Terrace caller reported that a neighbor allegedly comes onto his property and moves items around, including moving flower pots about 3 inches.”

 “Responded to Greenland Terrace for a report of a goose stuck in a catch basin and causing a traffic problem. Goose was gone on arrival.”

 “Followed up on a call about a domestic argument during which an iPhone was thrown into a toilet.” “

An animal control officer took custody of an injured seagull from a Clinton Street yard.”

AND, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: “ A female walk-in arrest subject entered the police station to be booked and left to get the bail money and never returned.”